A- Z blog challenge

L is for…


Love and Loss.

I’m only 35 years old and I have already met my quota for loosing loved ones.

I always knew I would lose my sweet grandmother, a woman who helped raise me, before I was 30.  My gram was born in 1916 and I was born in 1980 . She entered retirement just when my parents split and my mother and I went to live with her. Loosing my gram when I was 23 hit me hard.

My uncle and I were the last ones to see her before she passed. At the wake I was the last one to leave the room after the service. My uncle just about had to carry me out.

She was a few weeks shy of 87.

Ive had great aunts and uncles pass away that I barely knew. my uncle Edgar ( uncle Ed) was one of my grandmother’s brothers and visited a few times a month when I was in my middle to late teens .He passed before my gram but we didnt tell her . With the Alzheimer’s we didnt think she would know who we were talking about. He was a great guy.

My mom fought a good 11 month fight against brain cancer. I regret not selling everything I had to be back in Florida with her. I didnt let myself believe my mom would die.I thought the chemo and radiation would be enough to shrink down the tumor.

Its only been 4 years since I lost her but it still feels like yesterday that I had to say goodbye to her over the phone. She was in a hospice towards the end. I’m glad my step dad Randy was there with her. Sometimes to get me through the day I tell myself I just talk to her yesterday or a few days ago and shes doing fine. Tending to her garden, taking her pug Max for walks, or maybe shes on the road with Randy . He was a truck driver.

A few other people worth mentioning are my gram’s friend Helen, who was like another grandmother to me. Leo, my grandmother’s fiance , the only grandfather I knew. Big Ed and Jay, a few school friends. My older cousin’s mother inlaw Joan. my ex sister in law Joanie.my ex mother in law,Marty. Another friend I had as an adult who dragged me back to MA, Randy. (not the stepdad) and my moms best friend growing up, Karen. And recently my aunt Donna, a sister of my father’s.I miss these people and I am glad I had them in my life